Jan 2016: Vertigo – Tripping on Quaaludes (Jet black)

Jan 2016: Vertigo – Tripping on Quaaludes

Tinnitus Richter Scale: The tinnitus doesn’t fit onto a scale of 1-10. It is an avalanche inside my head 24/7 with no respite. There’s a sporadic loud cracking sound like two industrial electrical wires bashing together and they send sparks flying deep within my skull. I jump out of my skin every time it happens.

Three days after becoming unwell I have an emergency appointment at the Ears, Nose and Throat hospital in Kings Cross.

I take a few essential items as I’m convinced they’ll admit me, I’m so unwell that I shouldn’t be at home. Getting to the hospital with vertigo feels like mission impossible. I can’t lift my heels off the floor and every step feels like I’m walking off the edge of a skyscraper but somehow I shuffle out of my flat and into a taxi. The appointment is in the basement of an old Victorian building, there are so many corridors to walk down and I’m a jittering wreck by the time I reach the waiting room.

I see a doctor and he diagnoses Sudden Onset Hearing Loss. Some doctors compare this to a heart attack or a stroke in your ear and it is caused by a long list of things with complicated medical names none of which seem to apply to me. I am visibly unwell with a temperature and it is decided that it’s been caused by an unknown virus.

The doctor asks if I’m stressed, I say there is a situation at work and he gives me a knowing look. He keeps me on the anti-virals, increases the steroids and tells me to come back next week.

Shopping with vertigo & dizziness

On my way home in a taxi I make the bizarre decision to be dropped off at the local Tesco’s. Unable to walk properly, I stagger around the aisles like Quasimodo using a shopping trolley as a zimmer frame. It feels like I am tripping, the lights are too bright and the whole of Tesco’s is spinning around me. I become paranoid about a couple who are simply trying to do their shopping but I stare daggers at them and mutter evil things every time I see them. It’s like I’m spoiling for a fight.

I need food in the house but I have no idea what I should buy. What does one eat when you have vertigo and a deadly sound roaring in your ear?

A cauliflower cheese ready meal catches my eye. Yes, cauliflower cheese, yum. In my altered state I’m appalled that it costs £2.50. I have a perfectly good cauliflower at the bottom of the fridge and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall would not approve of wasting it. So I decide to buy the ingredients to make cauliflower cheese which cost significantly more than £2.50 and weights a ton as I lug the shopping up the hill to my flat.

Cooking with vertigo & dizziness

Quasimodo tripping on Quaaludes should not be cooking. It’s a fire risk and the food will be gross. As I can’t stand up, I wedge my knee against the oven to prevent me from falling down. My head doesn’t want to stay on my neck so I lean it against a kitchen cupboard. I drag myself around the kitchen looking for important ingredients like peppercorns to flavour the milk and mustard. I attempt to stir the sauce but most of it splashes onto the hob.

The end result is a lumpy, flavourless meal which is easily one of the most repulsive things I’ve ever cooked. All the food I make over the next few weeks is disgusting. It begs the question – what exactly is wrong with buying a week’s worth of ready meal?

Oh the decisions we make when we’re ill.

~~~

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One thought on “Jan 2016: Vertigo – Tripping on Quaaludes (Jet black)

  1. Incredible that when you are so ill, your priority is to be ‘intelligent, frugal, healthy, creative and ‘sensible’ about the costly homemade cauliflower cheese!

    Like

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